Saturday, October 31, 2009



I'm trying to be more observant, and I came across some PARENTS CAN'T TRACK ME cash, so I decided to go shopping! I bought. . .

- halal turkey sandwich meat
- a halal pepperoni pizza
- a halal whole chicken
- halal ground beef
- vegetarian (gelatin-free) yogurt
- vegetarian (rennet-free) sharp cheddar cheese

Among other things, of course! I'm just happy that I can be observant in food for now. Of course, I'll be stuck when my parents invite me for food, but whatever! And I'm going to eat what meat I have until it's gone before eating my new food, since it's very bad to waste food and all. :D And it's not like Food Bank will want my perishables!

I am a little grumpy because I live in a small town, so my halal source is this dirty little Indian market. I was hesitant to buy from there, because it was less than sanitary. . . The first time I came in, I was swarmed by flies and mosquitoes. . . But I took comfort in the fact everything I bought was still in its original packaging, so meh. And I know the owner gets the meat every week from the nearest good-sized town. But okay. . . The frustrating part:

When I first came in, I asked if there was any chicken breast. The worker at the time asked, "Boneless, skinless?" and I nodded. She said no. She then said she would tell the owner so he could get it on Friday. Okie dokie.

I came in yesterday and went up to the counter, and the woman recognized me. "Are you waiting for the meat?" I nodded. "He should be here in half an hour."

I didn't have time to sit around for a half hour, so I came back today. I saw there was indeed more food, but that meant they had goat now, and more of the turkey sandwich meat. So I asked the owner, "Do you have any chicken breast?"
"Boneless, skinless?"
"I was told you would get some yesterday. . ."
"It doesn't sell well because it's more expensive than the whole chicken and the legs, so I don't buy much of it. It's sold out." I found this suspicious, since it had been less than 24 hours since he came in with the new supply. . . But whatever. So I left and decided to come back, since "I'm too white to know what to do with a whole chicken" is probably a bad excuse in the eyes of God! Maybe if I come in consistently, they'd be more willing to cater to me. Maybe I can get my white meat chicken eventually, insha'Allah.

In the mean time, does anyone know what I should do with the chicken? I really haven't the faintest clue what to do with a whole chicken. I don't have a fryer or a rotisserie, so if you have any tips on oven baking or crock pot, I would appreciate it! :D

Friday, October 16, 2009

In Reply to Banana Anne. . .

Insha'Allah, we will both have the courage to tell our families as soon as possible.
I don't think I ever mentioned this on this blog, but I told my parents when I first converted, and they threw a fit and nearly threw me out of the house. Sooo, THAT is why I keep it a secret. I'll tell them when I'm independent and I'll hope they don't disown me.

One of these days, could you maybe write a post on how you get around praying and fasting without your family finding out? I would love to hear about that.
I didn't. -Shame.- I prayed when my family wasn't home, but my dad was around home a LOT when I still lived there, so that meant I didn't pray like at all, except on rare occasions. I started to pray regularly when I moved out, which was before Ramadan, alhamdulillah! I also went to Jumma for the first time after moving out. I'm very bad at sneaking around and lying, so um. . . I didn't. . . .

Also, do you wear hijab when your parents are around? I am assuming you don't
I don't wear hijab, period. I wear it when I'm around only Muslims (like, I wore it at the Eid party I went to), but I don't wear it when around my parents, or even if not. We live in a fairly small city, so even if I'm not technically seeing them, they could run into me, or someone we both know could. It's too dangerous. I do, however, dress modestly. I dress like a non-abaya hijabi would, just without the scarf. I wear long sleeve tops and either long skirts or long tops/short dresses over pants. When I visit my parents, I dress in whatever I know they would feel is appropriate for the season. . If it's warm, I wear short sleeves, but ONLY for when I'm there. I also don't wear dresses over pants when around them because my mom thinks it makes me look homeless. I'm sure she knows I still do it, but I don't do it in front of her because OMG I MIGHT EMBARRASS HER! My parents don't object to my love for maxi skirts, though.

If I do end up leaving the country for the summer, I plan to wear it. I'll take it off for touristy photos, since I know they'll expect photos, but I'll keep it on otherwise. Hoping this happens. (:

The following picture was NOT drawn by me, and I don't know who drew it, and I can remove it if it's yours and you object. I think it's a good picture:
Kind of a cross between these.

Thursday, October 15, 2009



Sorry for the lack of updates; I have been so busy! Anywho.

Eid al-hadha is supposed to fall on Black Friday, which puts me in a bit of a pickle. My family is going to want me to go with them to a town where a lot of family lives, which means no Eid prayer, no further celebrations. It's very likely that I will be dragged from store to store. . . Black Friday has always been a love of mine, so refusing to go shopping would be very strange of me. Wanting to cut things short around seven would also be strange. Disappearing for the evening? Strange. And I can't do anything suspicious, because God knows what will happen if I get questioned.

I'm so tired of all this secrecy. I just want to be able to tell the truth, without a loss of security.

Eid al-fitr was amazing. It was just a random Sunday and I could do whatever I wanted. I went to Eid prayer, breakfast with a family I met, and went to a big community party which had everything from pumpkin pie to inflatable play-places. Er, in case anyone was wondering, a skirt and nylon tights is not a good combination for a slippery obstacle course.

The people I met on that day have been hesitant to keep in touch with me, and I've been sending a text every week or so, waiting for a real response. I don't want to be annoying, especially since they don't seem open to talking in the first place. . . I'm getting used to being alone all the time, though, I suppose.

I'll update later when I have something else that is Muslim-y to talk about, or when I have time. . . Don't hold your breath, heh.

Sunday, October 11, 2009


I have been very marriage-minded lately, despite the fact I am only eighteen years old. Whenever I see a happy couple and their children, my face lights up in a huge smile. I try not to envy them, but it's difficult. There's nothing I want more than to have a spouse and children.

I feel like such an odd duck because I actually enjoy blogs that people post about their children. I can't help it - they're so cute!

So here I sit, a lonely single Muslim girl, with not even one proposal under my belt. Siiiigh. In good time, insha'Allah.

(Note: Picture is NOT MINE and used without permission. Found using a random search.)


This is my blog where I hope to post about the experience of being a secret Muslim, insha'Allah. I may post my story eventually, but as this is a public blog, many details will be left out. I'll try my best.

I'm currently looking for a cute layout. This one is boring, haha.