I've been feeling very depressed and unmotivated lately, and I think I've discovered the cause. I'm losing everyone. I'm losing my family and my friends, all for this. Of course it's worth it, in theory. But it's enough to make me want to break down and give up on everything in life, and do nothing but sleep all day.
You can say, "If they don't love you with Islam, then they're not worth it!" but whatever. Family is always worth it. I can't think, "Oh, they're not worth my time." Not with the people who raised me, who nearly raised me, who I have known for all of my life.
And as for the friends, it's not a conscious effort. It's just happening on its own. I've become less relate-able and I'm losing one of the people I care for the most.
This is transferring over to depression in all respects. I can't handle this anymore. I'm not going to give up on Islam, but I am so tempted to give up on life. Why bother being social, when it's all doomed? I'm too conservative for the non-Muslims, but WAY too liberal for the Muslims. I haven't posted much about that kind of thing here yet, but I am pretty controversial with my opinions. . . I'm in that fuzzy grey zone where I can't befriend either demographic, and it sucks.
I have no motivation for school, which I have always loved. I almost want to drop out. ME. DROP OUT OF SCHOOL. It all seems pointless when I'm living a lie. After I decided to change my major, it all seemed stupid. My new major is just as interesting to me, and far more practical. But I have no motivation to do a damn thing.
I just feel too depressed to function. :/