You guys are great and I love your comments, and reading your blogs. But I need to take a step back and meet some more moderate or "liberal" or "sinful" Muslims. Every day, I pull up Google Reader, and I am made to feel like a horrible person and that I'm going to hell. I can't take it anymore.
I feel like I can't post here as the person I am, or I'll get attacked. Now is that healthy?
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:( I'm sorry that you're feeling like people are being condescending. If I am one of them, I am very sorry. Does this mean that you're not going to post here anymore?
ReplyDeleteAlso, what's Google Reader?
It's an alternative to reading your followed blogs on your dashboard. It just displays posts fully instead of snippets and links. Easier for my lazy self. :D There's an option on your dashboard, "view in google reader."
ReplyDeleteNo, I'm going to post. I just need to take a break and think about things. ): Figure out who I am. I'm learning that I'm trying to be someone I'm not. . . And maybe being who I am will send me to hell, but I might become who I'm trying to be eventually. I just can't do it at the pace I've been trying. There's too much pressure. . .
Salam alaykum Sis,
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear that something about the blog world is making you feel like a horrible person. I'd like to remind you that you're NOT a horrible person. This life is a struggle and we’re being tested here. Maybe this is some kind of a sign of taqwa, you converted to Islam such a little while ago, maybe it's just that you're starting to feel more God fearing? Well, Allah knows best. I just wanted to say something because I'm sure you're not a horrible person.
What I really like about reading your blog is that mashAllah you're so brave to write about your your personal life here and your struggles and experiences!
May Allah SWT help you and give you strength, Amen!
Salam sister--Take it easy on yourself dear. Islamic tradition is so multi-faceted and the extent of knowledge so vast. There is no one way to be a Muslim. True alot of what you see on the internet is either conservative leaning, or on the far end of the other spectrum. It takes time to figure out who you are and how that fits into Islam. Please don't worry so much about what other people think of you here on these blogs. Yes, it's easy to attack people under the veil of anonymity, but people that do that are just cowards really. And remember Allah is the most forgiving. Please don't feel bad for being who you are. Maybe someday us Msulims will learn to embrace differences, since our own Prophet saw was considered an outcast and admonished by society in his early years.
ReplyDeleteyou should never despise yourself..
ReplyDeletebecause a Muslim has a value in the Before Allah(INDALLAH). we can commit a litlle sin. but we can not despise ourself. immediately, we repunt Allah utmost sincerety.
we dont think that we committed this sin again.we have to be serious at repunting.
you can learn you according to Quran and Sunnah..
you are the servant(ABD) of Allah.
what does Allah want to you to do and to say?
you can learn this asnwer in Quran and Sunnah.
be polite..
life is a couse to trial us.
Salam Aleikom Maddie, yes there are a lot of different ways ppl approach Islam. Everyone is at their own level, some move faster than others, some move slower. The key is to keep moving closer to Allah inshaAllah. Take your time. Take a break from the blogging world. Maybe you could order a book about Islam from a website like islamicbookstore.com. I always find reading is a better source because they are written by people of knowledge, plus books give you that breathing room to let it all soak in. It takes time to adjust to all the new things, the new aspects, the new ideas and then to sit back and decide for yourself what you can do or not do.
ReplyDeleteI know I probably come off as a 'strict' person but that's just who I am, mostly a result of a chaotic childhood. I don't apologize for it, it's just who I am. And really the aim of my blog is to improve myself, to post on topics that really affect myself. Sometimes i take breaks from blogging just so it doesn't start to consume my life. Sometimes Muslims will say things that seem really strict or illogical, but when I dig deeper into the issue, and really try and remove my feelings from it I find that they do have a good point for what they have said. I get overwhelmed at times with all the different things one can do as a Muslim, but I remind myself to take it step by step. Would love to hear from you sis, I enjoy chatting with you.
Also I want to add, that a lot of ppl blog because its the only place they feel they can vent their feelings. A lot of muslims feel alone in their beliefs and they use their blog to connect with others. Keep it in mind, they might be perfectly nice ppl in the real world but may come off as annoying online. Prob. not their intention.
ReplyDeleteSarah, I really have nothing against anyone. I'm just realizing that I have problems with myself and I need to find at least one like-minded Muslim who can help me get through this. I need to slow down and take it easy before I possibly burn out. I'm trying too hard to be someone I'm simply not. It's not that I don't think I'll ever BE that person, it's just. . . If I ever will, it will take a looooong time. Some people can change quickly, but for me, it's incredibly overwhelming. Everytime I try to change, I end up burning out and going back to square one. Or zero. So, I need to figure out what works for me. . .
ReplyDeleteLike I said, inferiority complex. Not: "Annoying Fundies Getting On My Nerves OMG OMG OMG." ):
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ReplyDeleteSalam Maddie,
ReplyDeleteThis is your blog so you should feel free to say whatever you want without worrying about people's judgments or acceptances. You can't please everyone or be what they want you to be. In the end what matters is for you to be YOU, you shouldn't try to be someone you're not coz then you will end up losing yourself and hating the new You.Take your time, make baby steps, it's your journey not other people's so be confident in you and everything will be alright.
I cruise through various muslim blogs, and it's indeed heart-warming to know that there are many people on the internet who strive to be good muslims, and tell about their experiences, and I think, so that other muslims can learn from them. Now, I normally don't make it a business to make posts on the internet, but when I read that post, I thought a little input may be worthwhile (well, I don't know but I figured I would try - not to mention it took me a few minutes just trying to post so naturally I wasn't going to give up)
ReplyDeleteBeing a Muslim in the west, especially growing up in a family of people who aren't Muslim, is tough. No question about it (Even for those who are born into Muslm families have trouble practicing their faith whole-heartedly). However, if a person wishes to lighten his or her difficulties,
seeking greater knowledge will help one's soul and physical self greatly (not that I think you don't know this, but i figured a little extra emphasis may not be so bad). As a matter of fact, the Islamic month we are currently in (Muharram) contains a historic event
that revolves exclusively among the idea of what it means to be a great Muslim,(well, the other months are important too, of course,) and that the history of this event may help you in some way. In this Islamic month we are in right now, many muslims (in the millions) around the world commemorate the significant event in which the family of the Prophet Muhammad (May Allah s.w.t be pleased with him and his family) took a stand against one of the worst people in Islamic History around 1400 years ago. Who are these people? Well, this video may give you a small hint (oh and by the way, I realize that you are new to the religion of Islam, and that some of the words the people say in this video, and the way they say it, may sound horribly awkward to you. In time, and with study, you will understand.):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LrOWTXj0RjY&feature=related
I do sincerely hope that studying this historical event in Islamic history would inspire many of the good people who have converted to Islam to keep going that extra step (this event is something that is not easily explainable in a blog post, but the information mentioned below will hopefully help), for the story of Imam Hussein, a man who is loved and respected by people of all Islamic schools of thought (There are 4 schools of Islamic thought) as well as many western academics who study his history. It is an event that, when one reads it, makes one realize how important family, morals, and principal are in life, and that Muslims always prevail in battles of good vs evil, whatever the trouble is.
It is a fact that many muslims today, even in families of other muslims, don't always fulfill their religious duties as they should, but one must always continue to improve themselves before their time to leave this world, knowing that Allah s.w.t is merciful to those who are truly repentant. Being a Muslim is difficult, yes, but despair shouldn't be the emotional tranquilizer of choice. There are many great sites on the internet that talk about many Islamic issues in today's world. As a matter of fact, a not-so-bad-start would be some audio lectures by one famous speaker in europe - a young man named Sayed Ammar Nakshawani - who is only about 28 years old, and relates well to Muslim youth, and has given many lectures on many good topics, both about historical and contemporary issues, and that his lectures are very informative and is not focused on making you feel like a horrible person. You will find his audio lectures on his website, http://www.sayedammar.com/ (or if the link to his lectures may not be directly accessible for any reason, it can be found at http://www.sayedammar.com/main/zina.html)
Hopefully I provided you with decent suggestion (And I hope I didn't throw in too much information to absorb all at once). Good luck.
And I realized I just made an error, there are 5 schools of Islamic thought (Hanafi, Maliki, Shafi'i, Hanbali, and Jafari,), not 4, as I originally said.
ReplyDeleteMy mistake.
*hugs* Dont worry I felt the same way then I said "WHO CARES!" lol Everyone has their own opinion. I still get overwelmed by how many things people think are haram and then later I realized most of it is either Arab culture or pure opinion. Do what you think you need to do to please God. What is beautiful about Islam is that it can bend to accept cultural norms anywhere in the world. As long as it doesnt go against the main concepts of the religion you should be ok. You must move at your own pace. Hopefully, God is pleased by the efforts you are going through.
ReplyDelete